The Socratic Method

-Why would the maids destroy your hotel room?

‘Because they clean them all the time. No one would suspect the maid.’

 

-Wouldn’t she have to clean it?

‘Not anymore. The hotel is leveled.’

 

-This horrendous act of terrorism was brought about by Housekeeping? And not by the bomb in your briefcase?

‘Yes. That bomb was meant for the golf course.’

 

-Why the golf course?

‘Because I hate golf. Boy you sure are dense.’

 

-You hate golf so you were going to blow up the golf course?

‘Not the entire thing, just the middle part so that it would greatly inconvenience people who were even just trying to get nine holes in. I don’t want to hurt the animals, although I’m sure all those pesticides already do that.’

 

-Sir, what happened to the bomb in your briefcase?

‘It’s right here, I could show you the pieces of -’

 

-Sir, please don’t move out of that chair. Any number of these guards will shoot you and you may have information.

‘I do. It was the waiters who bankrupted the restaurants by placing false orders all across town.’

 

-Again, why would they do that to their own industry? Millions of dollars were lost in a period of hours during midday, and then again at dinner.

‘It was a service to each other. No one wants to serve a real customer, so they all arranged to serve fake ones.’

 

-Are you sure it was that, and not all the mass-calling software we found on your flash drive?

‘Absolutely. I was trying to order clothes for the homeless.’

 

-Under fake names.

‘Yes, fake names.’

 

-Defrauding charitable organizations.

‘Look, I never intended an economic collapse. All I tried to do was clothe the needy and blow up a golf course.’

 

-And?

‘And what?’

 

-There’s something else you’re not telling. A minimum of something.

‘I feel I’ve been quite cooperative.’

 

-You dropped plague into the water supply.

‘That was not me, that was the doctors.’

 

-Why would the doctors poison an entire society?

‘They like to prank each other. You know, tease each other for being at work for so long. Eventually you forget what having a life is like, so treating a public epidemic is a great way to avoid your personal problems. I think doctors are worked too hard. But I didn’t invent the system.’

 

-I have heard of an artificial shortage of doctors -

‘Exactly! Just like they’re trying to make an artificial shortage of people.’

 

-Is that what the logo on your shoulder-pad means?

‘What logo? You’re not making any sense.’

 

-Stop squirming. There’s a picture of a snake squeezing a baby’s eyeballs out on your shoulder pad. The acronym ASP, I can only assume stands for ‘Artificial Shortage of People.’

‘Look, I’ve explained this as well as I can. The explosion in the hotel destroyed all my possessions. I found this at the charity clothes van. That’s why I have such a soft spot for clothing the homeless.’

 

-As you’ve mentioned. Now I have two choices. I can let you go, or order my guards to open fire.

‘That seems rather rash.’

 

-Well I don’t think you’ve learned anything from this exchange.